Do The Hard Thing

A few weeks ago on Bluesky someone asked, “I’m turning forty, what should I know about aging?” I answered, “Do the hard things. Don’t stop stretching your body or mind just because things are a little harder.”

I’d like to expand on that.

I’m 52 with a couple of physical disabilities — a hypermobile joint disorder (aka What’s wrong with your elbow?), a twisted femur (aka Pigeon-toes, she’ll grow out of it!), migraines — dyscalculia, mild autism, and now ADHD. Things have always been hard for me. So when physical and intellectual tasks got harder as I aged I didn’t really consider it.

Then I started looking at the older people around me, the neighbour who walked all stooped over even though he was younger than my active parents, the fandom friend who, in her mid-sixties, learned how to code her own website, and the family member who has to ask for help about anything technological, even though she’s had access to computers nearly as long as I have. I really started thinking, then, which of these people do I want to be? Do I want to be increasingly dependent on others for the next 40 to 50 years? Or do I want to be able to still get on a horse when I’m 85? Do I want to understand what my nephew or my friends’ children are talking about? Do I want to be aware of what’s going on in the world? Of course I do. I want to keep up at least a little.

The world narrows as you get older and busier. You stick with familiar things because it’s easy. You get less competitive (which is mostly good!) so you stop trying. So by “do the hard things” I mean don’t ask for help just because you can. At least try to figure things out for yourself first. Occasionally, bypass the calculator app and do that subtraction by hand (Even I try). Memorize things just because. Learn a new skill instead of paying someone else to do it. Learn how to use that new social media site — you might hate it, but at least you’ll know what everyone’s talking about.

Stretch your tastes, too. Listen to that new pop star’s album. Branch out into a new film genre. Try a new food, or an old one you hate. You might end up liking it now, because tastes change, too. Don’t go for the step-stool instead of reaching that centimeter farther for the box of tea even though you used to be able to reach it just fine. Getting up from sitting on the floor? Resist the urge to grab something and pull yourself up. Chance are your knees still work fine; keep using them and they won’t let you down.

Of course all this is case-specific. If you have an injury, do what you need to to heal. But don’t let the fear of re-injury set you back even further. Muscles need to be exercised. So does your brain. If you want to be relevant as you age, you need to keep working at it the way you did when you were 20. Yeah, it’s harder, but it’s even more important.

This month, the hardest thing I did was create an entirely new sewing pattern, a vest that looks like plate or leather armour. I made it for an upcycling contest and I could have just used an existing pattern. I thought about it every time I made a major mistake. But I didn’t let myself quit, I kept working, kept ripping out seams and re-cutting pieces to make them fit. And it worked. I’m even more proud of this vest than I would have been had I just used a commercial pattern in the first place.

Take care, my friends, and wear your mask.

Cheryl